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Tech valentines from Hell

Tech valentines from Hell

An errant Valentine Mail Server inadvertently forwarded me a bunch of Valentines for other people. I thought I would share.

To: Larry Ellison, Oracle CEO

From: Larry Ellison

"Roses Are Red,

Violets Are Blue,

There is No One I Love,

As Much as You"

To: Kevin Martin FCC chairman

Fr: Brian Roberts, Comcast CEO

"Want us to go

to 'Smorgasbord' cable?

Your home connection

We just disabled"

To: Gary Forsee, ex-CEO, Sprint

From: Sprint customers

"Sprint and Nextel,

Nextel and Sprint,

Our Service is so Awful,

Our Remarks Please don't Print"

To: Nicholas Negroponte, One Laptop Per Child chairman

Fr: Paul Otellini, Intel CEO

"Roses Are Red,

Violets Are Blue,

You hate Me,

I hate you"

To: Steve Jobs, Apple CEO

From: God

Your Iphone I Love

Your IMac's the Way,

But even I rested,

The Seventh Day"

To: 130,000 downsized employees

Fr: Sam Palmisano, IBM CEO

"Your Job's OK,

Your Job's Secure,

Just be ready to move,

To Bangalore"

To: Carly Fiorina, ex-HP CEO

Fr: Mark Hurd, current HP CEO

"Some are Called,

Some are Chosen,

You Showed me the way,

Your Pension's Frozen"

To: John Chambers, Cisco CEO

Fr: The Cisco Users Group

"Your Technology is Great,

It's Really a Buy,

Your Service is so High,

I could just cry"

To: Joe Tucci, EMC CEO

Fr: Steve Ballmer, Microsoft CEO

"You're ticking me off,

I'm calling a cop,

This virtualization stuff

Has got to stop"

To: Steve Ballmer

Fr: Jerry Yang

"$31 is an Insult!

But $35 Would Be Nice

I'll Forgive the Insult,

Just Meet My Price"

To: Jerry Yang

Fr: Steve Balmer

"A 62% Premium!

Our Bid Has Not Changed,

If Google Goes Higher,

They Must Be Deranged"

To: Sergey Brin (Google co-founder)

Fr: Larry Page (Google co-founder)

"Everyone thinks we're

Joined at the Hip,

Stop hogging the G-5

Or get a Fat Lip"

To: Paul Jacobs, CEO, Qualcomm

Fr: Broadcom

"Roses Are Red,

Violets Are Blue,

Thank God you are around,

We need Someone to Sue"

To: Jeff Bezos, CEO, Amazon.com

Fr: Kindle Users Everywhere

"Kindle's OK,

It's not an E-reader,

A portable Web Browser,

Would be a crowd pleaser"

To:Jeff Zucker, NBC Universal CEO

Fr: Kip Compton, Cisco's IPTV chief

"Apple and Slingshot,

Xbox and Tivo,

Your Future is so over,

Does the GE Chair even Know?"

To: Jim Crowe, Level 3 CEO

Fr: Ivan Seidenberg, Verizon CEO

"You lived through the Downs,

Was the worst really over?

I want your market,

Time to hand it Over"

To: Bill Gates, Microsoft chairman

Fr: the Pope

"The Nobel's a Lock,

They gave one to Gore,

Hold out For Saint Hood,

Then ask for More"

To: Ray Ozzie, Microsoft CTO

Fr: Microsoft users

"You got the Cat Seat,

You're Making Big Bread,

Good Luck to you,

The Desktop's so Dead"

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